The End
by Phantom-Dragon124
Summary: Post COLS. Alec can't handle the pain of Magnus leaving him. Trigger warning: Suicide. Rated T for character death and alcohol/drug abuse.
1. Chapter 1 - Alec

**AN:** My first actual FanFic (That I'm willing to share that is xD) Please leave a review!

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Alec gripped the bottle tightly in his hand. It was already half gone but he could still feel the pain. He took another swing trying to erase the memories that kept replaying in his mind. The first time he met Magnus, at the party. The way his cat-like eyes sparkled in the light. That first kiss. "ENOUGH!" He shouting punching the wall with his fist. It left a decent sized hole but he couldn't bring himself to care. He couldn't feel anything except the pain. It consumed his whole being. Every cell in his being felt alone and lost. He hadn't realized how much he needed Magnus until now.

He downed the rest of the bottle and went searching for another. As he passed each room memories flooded back to him. The infirmary where Magnus had come to heal him after the Greater Demon attack. The library where they had sneaked a kiss when no one else was in the room. The garden, where he went when he missed Magnus and couldn't go see him.

At last, Alec reached the kitchen. He searched through the cabinets but couldn't find anything that would make the pain go away. He would rather face 100 greater demons than feel this heartbreak for even a minute longer. It was too much, and there was no escape.

"Alec, are you alright?" Alec turned and saw his sister standing in the doorway. Her expression looking concerned and her eyes filled with worry. She was wearing a pair of red skinny jeans that Magnus would have adored.

Alec looked away quickly, "Go away Izzy. I just want to be alone."

"Alec…" Izzy lingered for a minute before approaching him. "I know it…"

"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" Alec ran out of the kitchen heading back towards his room. He didn't need her pity, or whatever empty words of comfort she was going to offer.

Back in his room, Alec sunk down on his bed. The memories consumed him again. Their first kiss, Alec's first kiss. The way Magnus's hands burned on his skin. The first time Magnus said he loved him, and the first time Alec said it back. The first time they made love. Alec couldn't help the tears that streamed down his cheeks. His whole body was shaking, and a quiet whimper escaped him.

He lay like that for what felt like hours, hoping the alcohol would take effect, but it never did. He couldn't sleep, every time he closed his eyes he saw Magnus leaving him. It was a nightmare but no amount of pinching would wake him up. He tried to draw a healing rune, wishing the pain away. The burn of the stele blocked the pain for a fleeting moment. So he drew another rune. And another. But the pain was still there every time the stele lifted from his skin.

Alec went to his bathroom and examined himself in the mirror. He looked terrible. His eyes were red and puffy, his hair looked like a bird had come and made his black locks into its home. "What would Magnus think of my appearance?" Alec pushed the thought away as fast as it had come. But it wasn't fast enough. The pain lit up with a new flare, burning through his veins without mercy.

Alec reached into the medicine cabinet and pulled out a bottle of pills, pouring the whole container into his palm. As he stared at the pills, he willingly let the memories flood back to him.

Their trip around Europe, especially their time in Paris. How much it hurt when he saw Magnus dying on the battlefield, and the relief that washed through him when Magnus woke up.

Alec brought his hand to his mouth.

The first time he went to see Camille.

Alec dropped the pills on his tongue.

The fight over the blue scarf.

He swallowed.

Hearing Magnus call his name in the tunnels. The witchlight glowing in Magnus's hand after Alec had dropped it. Magnus telling him he still loved him.

Everything went black.

* * *

Across town, Jace was with Clary enjoying a picnic in the park. His laugh was cut off abruptly as he was consumed with grief. He fell to the ground as his parabatai rune faded, mourning the loss of his brother.


	2. Chapter 2 - Izzy and Jace

AN: Thank you all for the reviews! As requested, I decided to write two more parts to this (Maybe three?). The third part will be coming later this week. Hope you guys like it!

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Izzy took a deep breath and took a few minutes to cool off before trying to approach Alec again. She approached his door cautiously, "Alec?" No response. "Alec, I know your mad at me, but please open the door." Still no response. "Alec!" Izzy knew something was wrong. No matter how upset, Alec never ignored her like this. "Alec! Open the door!" She waited a moment but still didn't hear approaching footsteps. She threw her weight against the door, forcing it to open, and ran into the room. "Alec?" Izzy froze when she didn't see him, a sense of fear overcame her. A chill ran through her body as she turned to open the bathroom door. "Alec?" Her voice was barely a whisper as she slowly turned the nob. "Alec…?"

Izzy nervously pushed the door open. "Alec!" She ran to his side and began shaking him. "Alec, wake up! Please, you have to wake up!" The tears silently streamed down her cheeks. "Please Alec, I can't lose another brother. I need you!" She pulled his lifeless body to her and clung to him tightly. "This is a dream. It has to be. This can't be real!" She couldn't breathe. It was as if all the oxygen had vanished from the room. She struggled to take a deep breath, gasping desperately for air. "Alec…"

* * *

"Jace!" Clary jumped up in a panic, pulling Jace to her. "What is it? What's wrong?" Jace shook his head, unable to form the words. Never in his life did he ever think he would say them. He always imagined he would die first. He couldn't force the words off his tongue. Saying them would mean its real, but that's impossible. Because this is Alec, his brother, his parabatai. He couldn't be gone. "Alec…" He inhaled deeply. "Alec is dead." His body lost the will to sit up and he collapsed on to Clary. She wrapped her arms around him, rubbing his back soothingly. She didn't know what to say. She didn't understand how this could be possible either.

"How?" Clary questioned gently.

Jace shook his head and let out a mumbled "I don't," A sob escaped him, leaving him unable to speak. "Izzy…"

Clary pulled out her phone and called Isabelle, hoping that she didn't know. The lack of answer was enough. "Jace, we need to go to her." He nodded once in response but didn't move. Clary slowly pulled him up with her, hoping he wouldn't collapse again. "Izzy needs us right now." They made their way to the subway station, ignoring the many concerned glances they received.


	3. Chapter 3 - Magnus

AN: The chapter you have all been waiting for! This was by far the hardest chapter to write, and the longest (Almost double)! Also, I apologize for the pain this story seems to be causing you all. In my defense, I did warn you in the summary. There will be one more chapter after this, an epilogue of sorts. I hope to have it posted by the end of the week :)

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Magnus read the letter twice. He wanted to believe it was fake, just some sort of twisted prank. But he knew Isabelle would never do something like that.

_Magnus, I'm sorry to have to tell you this way,_

_but I couldn't bear to do this in person._

_Alec is dead, Magnus. He took his own life. _

_I want you to know that I don't blame you, _

_I know you loved him. _

-Isabelle Lightwood

He received the letter two weeks after the… He refused to believe Alec was gone. Especially not this way. He knew Alec, and Alec would never do something like this. He would never have done this to his siblings, not after Max. It had to have been an accident of some kind, Magnus was sure of it.

Alec's presence was everywhere. On the couch where they used to cuddle. On the bed where they had made love. In the kitchen where they had once attempted baking cupcakes together, but burned them to a crisp when they got distracted with kissing each other. And most strongly, Alec was in Magnus's heart. The way his bright blue eyes shinned with love for the warlock. The way he whispered Magnus's name late at night just before drifting to sleep. How his lips tasted when they kissed. Magnus was surrounded by memories of Alec. And unlike Isabelle, he did blame himself.

He knew it was his fault. He had told Alec he never wanted to see him again. And now he never would. No amount of years could ever release him from his guilt, from the pain. He had lost the love he loved the most. Alec had worried he was trivial, insignificant in Magnus's life. But Magus knew there would never be a day that he did not miss his Alexander. And he knew that even if he did love again, which seemed impossible in itself, he could never love anyone the way he had loved his blue-eyed Shadow Hunter.

* * *

And the years did go by. Nearly everything Magnus saw reminded him of Alec. A blue shirt in the store window that would have matched Alec's eyes perfectly. A black pair of skinny jeans that Alec would have looked incredibly hot in. Magnus had learned to block these things out. It was the only way he could get through the day. He had tried to move on, but Alec was still with him every day. And Magnus missed him more with every hour that passed.

Magnus decided to leave New York. He had too many memories of Alec in the city and it was impossible for him to stay. He went back to London for a few years and got reacquainted with Tessa. She had met Alec once before, and had seen how much Magnus loved him. She understood what it was like to lose the one you loved the most. Magnus stayed with her for a few years, until the pain of Alec's death subsided enough that he was able to get out of bed by his own will.

He traveled around for a few years, taking care to avoid the places he had traveled to with Alec, especially Paris. He met a handful of people that had perked his interest, but he couldn't bring himself to date again. No one could possibly compare to Alec.

* * *

It had been 23 years since Alec's death, Magnus was just returning to New York. After getting settled into his new apartment, he took a stroll around Manhattan. Not much had changed in the years he was gone. The stores had changed, the fashion had changed, but the people were the same. Always rushing, not taking the time to mutter a simple apology when they ran into you. Magnus strolled at a relatively slow place, not concerned about how little time he had left like the busy people around him.

Magnus was happy to see that one of his favorite shops was still there. A small boutique that always had the latest fashion trends from around the world. He had dragged Alec in here a few times, but the Shadowhunter had always refused to try anything on. Of course, that hadn't stopped Magnus from buying him anything.

As Magnus came out of the store, he noticed a boy standing next to a light post a few feet from him. He couldn't have been older than seventeen. His hair was pitch black, and Magnus could see runes on the part of his arm that wasn't covered by a ratty black sweater. "Alec?" Magnus knew that was impossible, but the sight of the boy had transferred him to the past. He was no longer standing on a street in Manhattan, but rather in front of his old apartment in Brooklyn.

_Alec was standing next to a bench, his hand's tucked into the pocket of an old faded black sweater. He was waiting for Magnus to come down and meet him. It was their second date, and he felt a bit nervous. Their first date had been… well, it definitely wasn't what Alec had imagined it would be. His eyes met Magnus's as soon as the other had appeared. "Hello darling, are you ready for our date?" Alec blushed at the pet name, but smiled enthusiastically nonetheless. _

"Are you okay?" Magnus snapped back to the present. The boy was staring at him, and he had Alec's blue eyes.

"Ah, yes. I'm fine. Just lost in a memory." Magnus gave him a charming smile and reached out to shake his hand. "I'm Magnus, I'm guessing you're a Lightwood?" The boy paused for a second then reached out and returned the handshake.

"Magnus, as in Magnus Bane? You um… dated my uncle." He said the words hesitantly, and it occurred to Magnus that he had never met Alec. "Oh, I'm Neil by the way."

"Pleasure to meet you Neil. You look just like him, your uncle I mean." Neil's eyes shifted downwards.

"Yeah, my mother tells me that all the time. She never says it, but I think it's hard for her. She can't look at her own son without being reminded of the two brothers she lost." Magnus could certainly agree with that. His hair was even styled the same as Alec's always was. He felt the grief he had been repressing clawing its way out.

"Your mother is the strongest Shadowhunter I know. But you'll have to excuse me, I'm running late for an appointment with a very important client." Magnus didn't wait for the boy to respond before hurrying back towards his apartment.

Memories of Alec flooded back to him. All the pain he had locked away for the past twenty three years came out in an overwhelming flurry. It was worse than when he had lost Camille. Worse than losing Ragnor, who had been his best friend for centuries. It was definitely worse than losing Will. And it was even worse than it had been when he first read the letter telling him of Alec's death.

Magnus's mind filled with memories from the past 800 years. Everyone he had ever loved had died. Before Alec, he had never considered giving up his immortality. He had never loved any one enough to give that up. But Alec had been different. And Magnus knew he would never find that again. Forever was not enough time to even begin to move past Alexander Lightwood. He would live for eternity, completely and utterly alone.

The world no longer seemed colorful to Magnus. Everything was bleak, and gray. What was the point of living forever if you had to live it alone?

A thought occurred to him then. There was a way he could be with Alec again. He went to the kitchen and pulled a knife from the drawer. With one quick slash, Magnus left this lonely world.

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AN: Please don't hate me? I was crying myself writing that last bit.


	4. Chapter 4 - The End

The End – Final Chapter

AN: Sorry this is later than expected, I had midterms last week and wasn't able to finish it. Thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited, and reviewed this story. I didn't expect for it to have such a positive response, much less for multiple people to ask me to expand on it. Without further ado, here is the final chapter. Hope you guys like it!

Isabelle

"Hey honey, how was your walk?" Isabelle asked her youngest son as he returned home to the Institute. Neil looked deep in thought, with a little crease on his forehead that told Isabelle he was worried about something.

""It was um… interesting. I ran into a warlock. Magnus Bane."

"Magnus? I had no idea he was back in New York. He was your Uncle Alec's boyfriend before…"

"I know, mom. He seemed upset by seeing me, and ran off in a hurry."

"I'm sure it was nothing, you know how warlocks are." She stood up from her position on the couch and ruffled his hair. "Why don't you go join your brother in the training room?"

"Umm... yeah." Neil hastily left to go change into his gear. Training with his brother would definitely keep his mind occupied and not thinking about his encounter with Magnus.

Isabelle picked up her cell phone and dialed a number she hadn't called in ages. It rang three times before the voicemail picked up. She wasn't surprised, her gut had told her that Magnus wouldn't answer.

Magnus

How does a Warlock, who is half demon, end up in Heaven? Magnus had no idea. But he knew this had to be Heaven because Alec was staring at him.

"Magnus? Wh.. What are you doing here?" Magnus's ears had longed to hear that voice for so long. Alec's eyes shined a brilliant blue, the way they always did when the light hit them at just the right angle. They looked sad though, shouldn't Alec be happy to see him? Magnus flashed a brilliant white smile.

"I missed you my love. And uh, where exactly is here?" Forcing his eyes to leave Alec's face, Magnus took in his surroundings. They were in a hotel. It looked shockingly similar to the one they had stayed in while they visited Paris. Magnus had many fond memories of being in this hotel room with the boy standing in front of him. It was too quiet though. When they had visited, he could hear the bustling city outside the window.

"I'm not really sure to be honest. But I do know that you're not supposed to be here." Magnus frowned. He didn't think Alec would sound so upset about their reunion. This was a joyous moment, after so many years, they were finally together. He gave Alec his best smirk,

"Why darling, I'm just as shocked as you that I'm not burning for eternity in Hell, but isn't that something to celebrate?"

"No Magnus, you know that's not what I mean. You're not supposed to be dead." Magnus locked his eyes with Alec's. How he had missed that gorgeous shade of blue.

"And neither are you Alec. You should be out saving the world from evil." Magnus's gaze shifted to the ground as he whispered, "And it's my fault you're not."

Alec

For a brief moment, Alec surged with happiness when he saw Magnus. Then he remembered that he was dead, and if Magnus was here, then that meant he was dead too. He thought that maybe he was only imagining Magnus was here, because it couldn't be possible for him to really be dead. But he had imagined Magnus being here before, and this was not like those times. Magnus really was here. Alec's being filled with sorrow, because, what was a world without Magnus Bane? He knew the answer to that. It was a world with no color, with no meaning. Alec had seen that when Magnus broke up with him.

Magnus was right, it was his fault Alec was here. But Alec could see the mark on Magnus's neck, and he knew that he was the reason Magnus was here. Alec wanted to be happy that he was with Magnus again, that Magnus had chosen to be with him. Instead he felt empty. Magnus Bane was dead. How could he possibly be happy about that?

AN: So, how many of you guys were hoping I'd give them a happy ending where they ride off into the sunset of the afterlife together? Sorry, I'm not that nice. I thought about it though, if that counts for anything.


End file.
